On a odd silent night, full of thoughts with diary in hand, Surrounded by my favourite colored pens I analyzed my last few months.
I remember I took my favourite colored pen and wrote:
“ From being loved, being sad, afraid, happy, successful and with each passing day changing for a better life which I forced myself to, I spent my most of the year. Yeah, I was craving for a better lifestyle which was very important for me to adopt. But do you know how does it feel to be wishing for something badly and not knowing what?
If yes! you got my point. If no, then be happy because this is one of worst situation. When you know your wishes you will come to know how to achieve it. But it is very difficult to find out what you are wishing for when you are so desperate to achieve it.
I wanted a better lifestyle but which one? That I was unaware of. 😮
I started with sharing my feelings and getting experiences from elders. Tried sharing my experiences too. I self analyzed with a row of thoughts every night. I did not use social media for some days. I dropped my phone until my people told me to use it for their convinience. I went out with friends for a break. Family vacations and sharing bonds. And then which each changing behaviour of mine I was moving ahead to achieve the peace of mind I deserve. I unfriended unnecessary people from life. I made many mistakes in the way. I abandoned the close friends whom I thought as a medium of my sadness. And then correcting that mistake in the way too was maturity.
There was a time I cried in front of my closed ones. 😥 They saw me happy, grinning, sad, angry and depressed. Sometimes I used to yell so bad that it hurt them with hurting me too. But I never realized it as I had hurricane of emotions in my heart.
After all these experiences I learned a lot. Life is never easy and God didn’t gave it to quit. If not with plan A, plan B or X,Y,Z you succeed and feel like fallen apart. Stand up and Do you job with a smile on yourself! That’s beauty. 🙂
Some of my ways were selfish, hurting others, while I showed my different moods to them. But after a time I got used to it and so my people. They understand my love towards them and the fight inside me.
I feel lonely sometimes and irritated because of busy lives and people and lack of attention. I faced it daily as a part of my process. There was a time I used to feel nothing. My mood swings goes on with increasing frequency and I took a mature decision to not disturb people by getting them in my troubles when on the contrary I wanted someone to handle them with love and care. But that is not possible. 😦
I became my own angel, enjoy my unexpected behaviour withing myself. And now that is fun seriously.. ❤ Do not expect someone to love you, rather start loving yourself and see the miracle.
And Today I am still on the search with a more experienced and better version of myself. I will try each day with more energy. But I am happy, enjoying my own company of thoughts. Of course, No one can live without friends and family so they make me feel happy when I am with them. But night mood swings problems are purely reserved for the two specials of my life- : ME and MY DIARY! ❤ 🙂
And I am independent enough to handle my life and can proudly say…. ‘Yeah! I am Moody :)’ “
This is the page I read frequently because it never let me break down and always motivates me to keep going! One of my favourite! ❤